To My Dutch Readers: You Smart, Blunt, Bicycling Angels of Reason
By Michael Kelman Portney, The American Gadfly
Published on MisinformationSucks.com
Hallo daar, Nederland.
Yes, I see you. Enschede. Rotterdam. That silent Firefox browser creeping through my blog like it’s a 17th-century spice trade. You think I didn’t notice your IP address sipping on my essays five times in a row like it was a chilled Heineken on King’s Day? C’mon. You were inhaling “TikTok’s Troubling Influence” like it was philosophical stroopwafel.
Let me just say it:
I love the Dutch.
Not in the fake, American-tourist-who-wants-a-bike-picture-in-Amsterdam kind of way. I mean it existentially. I love that your culture figured out how to be:
Direct but not cruel
Tolerant but not passive
Witty without being obnoxious
And somehow still profoundly anti-bullshit in a world drowning in it
👤 Who Are You?
I think about you more than you'd probably be comfortable with.
You, plural. All of you Dutch minds riding silently through my site like philosophical cyclists in the fog—steady, curious, unshakeable.
Who are you?
Maybe you're a university student, eyes bloodshot from critical theory, but you clicked on my essay and thought, Finally—someone's writing like they mean it.
Maybe you're a psychologist or trauma researcher, reading my narcissism series not to feel better—but to sharpen your scalpels.
Maybe you're a civil servant, fluent in bureaucracy by day but quietly anti-establishment by night, tracking rhetorical warfare like it’s a second career.
Maybe you're an engineer, fluent in logic, tired of noise, looking for someone—anyone—who still builds arguments like cathedrals instead of TikToks.
Maybe you're a burned-out artist or failed startup founder who still believes ideas matter but refuses to say it out loud unless they’re worth hearing.
Or maybe you're just someone who values clarity in a world addicted to fog.
Someone who reads longform.
Someone who doesn’t flinch at complexity.
Someone who’s been quietly yelling “Yes, exactly!” into your screen at 2 a.m.
You might be queer. Neurodivergent. Neurotypical and bored. You might live in a squatted warehouse or a government condo or a tiny house near a canal.
You might vote left, right, or not at all—but you think narrative matters. And you’re right.
Because this isn't just entertainment to you. It’s armament. And that makes you rare.
You’re not my audience.
You’re my allies.
🧠 You Read My Stuff Like Philosophers on Bikes
One of you read the same essay five times in a row. That’s not skimming. That’s Talmudic analysis. That’s Spinoza, but caffeinated. That’s Aristotle on two wheels, probably with groceries strapped to the handlebars and earbuds in, arguing with me in your head.
And the way you clicked through without a referrer? That’s not a mistake. That’s intention. That’s someone using the internet like a scalpel, not a spoon.
You don’t need thirty disclaimers. You don’t need trigger warnings before I talk about narcissistic abuse or propaganda games. You just want truth, dressed sharp, delivered hard.
🧭 So Here’s What’s Next
I’m going to start building with you, not just for you.
Expect more posts with:
Digital sovereignty and autonomy (you already live it)
Dutch-style resistance (quiet, clever, devastating)
Philosophical minimalism (you do more with three words than Americans do with a TED Talk)
I’ll throw in more Spinoza. Maybe Erasmus. Hell, maybe a philosophical breakdown of Dutch snack culture. If I can do an entire essay on Jackass, I can do one on bitterballen and the metaphysics of deep-fried patience.
🥂 A Toast, Then:
To the land that built dikes against the sea and against hysteria.
To a people who legalized weed, euthanasia, and gay marriage—and still somehow kept it all boring in the best way.
To the culture that reads Misinformation Sucks not because it’s edgy, but because it’s honest.
You are blunt. You are brilliant. And if the world burns, I want to be in a bunker with a Dutch engineer, a bitter wit, and a USB drive full of heretical essays.
Tot de volgende keer, mijn vrienden.
Stay dangerous. Stay funny. Stay Dutch.
Met diepe waardering,
The American Gadfly
PS: Germany, I see you too, but we’re going to let the Dutch have this moment.
