How To Use Big Words Without Sounding Like An Asshole
By Michael Kelman Portney
Smart people sound pretentious. Simple people sound dumb. That is the trap most people think they’re stuck in. Either you talk like a professor and everyone rolls their eyes, or you talk like a normal person and everyone assumes you’re dumber than you are.
Those are terrible choices.
And they’re both wrong.
There is a third door.
A loophole.
A cheat code.
You can use any word you want.
The biggest word you can conjure.
The kind of word that gets you mistaken for someone auditioning for Jeopardy.
And you can use it without sounding arrogant, pretentious, or unbearable.
Here is the trick.
You do not say the big word in your own voice.
You say it in someone else’s.
Not as a quote.
Not as a transcript.
Not as “this is what they literally said.”
No.
You imitate them.
You do their voice.
You slip into their cadence.
And then you shove the giant vocabulary word into their mouth.
They become the delivery system.
You become the translator.
And the audience laughs instead of judging you.
Let me show you exactly how this works.
I. The Real Problem: Vocabulary Signals Status More Than Meaning
When you use a big word in your own voice, people hear something very different from what you intend.
You say “precarious.”
They hear “show-off.”
You say “magnanimous.”
They hear “why is this guy talking like a Victorian duke.”
You say “deleterious,”
they hear “I’m smarter than you.”
This is not about intelligence.
It is about status psychology.
Big words sound like you’re trying to outrank people.
So they push back.
That is why “dumb it down” became the default advice.
But that advice strips you of precision, humor, personality, and force.
You don’t need to simplify your thoughts.
You need to shift the voice.
II. The Actual Technique: Put The Big Words In Someone Else’s Mouth
Here is the cheat code in one sentence:
Say the big word, but say it while imitating someone else.
That alone breaks every status alarm in the room.
Because now the audience isn’t listening to you talking.
They’re listening to you doing a bit.
Example:
You in your own voice:
“I consider myself rather magnanimous.”
You sound like a douchebag.
You imitating Trump:
“Folks, people are saying it. They are. I’m incredibly magnanimous. Very magnanimous. The most magnanimous guy. Nobody more magnanimous.”
Suddenly you’re funny.
You’re clever.
You’re entertaining.
And you used “magnanimous” twice without anyone thinking you’re flexing.
Why?
Because Trump said it, not you.
Even though you said it.
That is the power of attribution.
The vocabulary belongs to the voice you’re borrowing.
You’re not the target.
The impression is.
III. The Trump Principle: The Attribution Shield
Trump has a rhetorical move that is so effective it should be taught in communication classes:
“People are saying.”
It absolves him of ownership.
It allows him to say anything, no matter how wild.
You can use the exact same trick for vocabulary.
Instead of saying:
“I think the outcome is catastrophic.”
Say this, in the Trump voice:
“People are saying it’s catastrophic. Very catastrophic. The most catastrophic thing anyone’s ever seen. Brilliant people. Tremendous people. They know catastrophe.”
You just used a massive word — catastrophic — and instead of sounding pretentious, you sounded funny.
And the audience still heard the word.
This is the deepest level of the trick:
nested voices.
You’re you,
imitating Trump,
who is attributing the word
to someone else.
That is four layers between you and the vocabulary.
Zero risk.
Maximum style.
IV. The Formula
Here is the exact breakdown of how to use this technique anywhere, anytime.
Step 1. Select the person you’re going to imitate
It can be anyone with a recognizable voice:
Trump
Biden
Bernie
Your boss
Your ex
Your landlord
Your barber
Your therapist
Your cousin
Your senator
Your neighbor
Any human with a vibe
Step 2. Slip into their voice
Not a full Saturday Night Live audition.
Just a little tilt.
Trump: “Look, folks…”
Biden: “Now listen here…”
Bernie: “The billionaire class…”
Your boss: “Per my last email…”
Voice is attitude.
Tone.
Cadence.
Not accuracy.
Step 3. Drop the big word in their mouth
This is the pivot.
Give them the giant, absurd vocabulary they would never use.
Trump voice:
“People are saying it was egregious. Very egregious. Nobody more egregious.”
Bernie voice:
“We are living under an oligarchic kakistocracy perpetrated by corporate warlords.”
Biden voice:
“Look, Jack, it’s a deeply synergistic concatenation.”
Your ex:
“I wasn’t lying. I was navigating a complex emotional dialectic.”
Your landlord:
“The plumbing issue is part of a larger existential paradigm.”
None of these people talk like this.
That is why it is funny.
And that is why it works.
Step 4. Step back into your own voice and translate
Now bring the hammer down.
“That’s his way of saying the toilet is broken.”
“That’s my ex’s way of saying she lied.”
“That’s Bernie’s way of saying rich people suck.”
“That’s Biden’s way of saying the printers don’t work.”
This contrast is the punchline.
It breaks the tension.
It lands the truth.
V. Real-World Examples
Below are full, ready-to-use examples showing the technique at work.
These are built around your imitation-centric version, not the old “translation of jargon” version.
Example 1: Trump Explaining Your Boss
Trump voice:
“A lot of people are saying the quarterly report was perfidious. Very perfidious. Nobody more perfidious than this report.”
Your voice:
“That is Trump’s way of saying we lost money and the boss lied about it.”
Example 2: Bernie Explaining Your Relationship
Bernie voice:
“We are dealing with a unilateral misappropriation of emotional labor by the individual in the relationship who holds all the hegemonic power.”
Your voice:
“That is Bernie’s way of saying she made you do everything.”
Example 3: Biden Explaining a Breakup
Biden voice:
“Look, pal, it was an entirely untenable amalgamation of incompatible dispositions.”
Your voice:
“That is Biden’s way of saying you two hated each other.”
Example 4: Your Therapist Explaining Your Childhood
Therapist voice (calm, soft):
“What you’re describing is a profound intrapsychic incongruence rooted in unresolved familial dissonance.”
Your voice:
“That is therapist for: your family was nuts.”
Example 5: Your Landlord Explaining a Leak
Landlord voice:
“This situation represents a circumstantial hydraulic aberration of indeterminate origin.”
Your voice:
“That is landlord for: I have no idea why water is coming out of the wall.”
Example 6: Your Ex Explaining Why They Cheated
Ex voice:
“I was navigating a multifaceted constellation of unmet psychosocial needs.”
Your voice:
“That is ex for: I wanted attention.”
Example 7: A Senator Explaining a Scandal
Senator voice:
“There were significant exigent circumstances contributing to the procedurally anomalous outcomes.”
Your voice:
“That is senator for: we committed a crime and hoped no one would notice.”
Example 8: A CEO Explaining Layoffs
CEO voice:
“We are engaged in a strategic recalibration of labor resources to optimize fiscal resilience.”
Your voice:
“That is CEO for: we fired a bunch of people.”
Example 9: A Cop Explaining Why They Pulled You Over
Cop voice:
“Your vehicular trajectory demonstrated a concerning degree of lateral destabilization.”
Your voice:
“That is cop for: you swerved once.”
Example 10: A Judge Explaining Your Contempt Charge
Judge voice:
“Your comportment reflected an escalating pattern of contumacious disregard for procedural norms.”
Your voice:
“That is judge for: shut up.”
VI. Why This Works: The Psychological Mechanics
There are three forces at play here:
1. Voice separates you from the word
If you say “pulchritudinous,”
people resent you.
If you imitate Trump saying:
“People are saying it was pulchritudinous. Very pulchritudinous.”
people laugh.
The voice quarantines the vocabulary.
2. Voice reframes the meaning
When you say a big word, people think you’re flexing.
When the character says it, they think you're exposing the absurdity of the situation.
This makes your intelligence feel like a shared joke, not a status grab.
3. Translation proves you understand real life
The big word shows you’re smart.
The translation shows you’re grounded.
The punchline shows you’re funny.
That combination is unbeatable.
VII. The Attribution Variants
Once you master the basic technique, you can level up.
You don’t even need a famous person’s voice.
You can use:
1. “People are saying”
Trump style.
“People are saying it’s egregious.”
Translation:
“This thing sucked.”
2. “My buddy said”
Pretend your friend is brilliant.
“My buddy said it felt epistemologically dissonant.”
Translation:
“He was confused.”
3. “The experts claim”
“Experts say it was categorically deleterious.”
Translation:
“It was bad.”
4. “Grandpa always said”
“Grandpa always said it was a paradigmatic misalignment.”
Translation:
“Grandpa said it was stupid.”
Each one lets you use giant vocabulary without self-attaching it.
VIII. Common Mistakes
Avoid these pitfalls.
1. Using a big word in your own voice
You sound like a pompous ass.
2. Overdoing the impression
A slight voice shift is enough.
If you start doing full theatre, you lose the point.
3. Using the wrong word
If you misuse a big word, you die instantly.
4. Being mean
The trick works because it is playful.
Not cruel.
5. Forgetting the translation
The translation is where the intelligence lands.
The big word is the setup.
The translation is the punchline.
The combination is the technique.
IX. Why This Matters: Precision Without Pretension
People hide bullshit behind complicated language:
Politicians
Corporations
Academics
Doctors
Judges
Regulators
Consultants
If you cannot translate, you cannot see what they’re doing.
But if you use complicated language, people misread your motives.
This technique lets you:
use your full vocabulary
expose complex nonsense
stay funny
stay likable
stay understood
stay grounded
You get the best of every world:
truth, intelligence, humor, clarity.
X. Conclusion: The Vocabulary Side-Door
There are two ways to use big words:
Say them yourself and sound like an asshole.
Say them in someone else’s voice and sound brilliant.
This is not a trick.
This is a rhetorical power tool.
Slip into a voice.
Drop the big word.
Step out of the voice.
Translate.
Punchline.
They keep the pretension.
You keep the truth.
The audience gets the clarity.
That is how you use big words without sounding like an asshole.
Not by shrinking yourself.
Not by dumbing down.
Not by hiding your intelligence.
But by putting the vocabulary in a voice that can carry it
and then walking the audience back down to earth
with a line that makes them laugh
and understand
at the same time.
