How To Use Big Words Without Sounding Like An Asshole
By Michael Kelman Portney
Smart people sound pretentious. Simple people sound dumb. That's the choice, right?
Wrong.
I'm sitting in a city council meeting and the procurement officer is explaining how they "leveraged existing vendor relationships to optimize timeline efficacy and ensure stakeholder value alignment."
Translation: They gave their buddy a contract.
I could match his vocabulary: "That's textbook nepotistic malfeasance disguised by bureaucratic obfuscation." Accurate. Also insufferable.
Instead: "So this guy's explaining 'stakeholder value alignment,' and I'm thinking, buddy, you gave your golf partner a contract. That's not optimization. That's theft with a thesaurus."
Same intelligence. Different reception. That's the technique. Let me show you how it works.
I. The Problem: The Vocabulary Trap
If you speak plainly, people assume you are simple.
If you use precise, technical language, people assume you are showing off.
That is the trap.
Standard advice says, "Dumb it down." Use short words. Use fewer syllables. Pretend you do not know what "asymmetric" means, even though you do. The problem is that if you dumb everything down, you lose nuance. You sound less competent than you are. You start to resent your own audience.
On the other hand, if you talk the way you actually think, you trigger defenses. People stop hearing your point and start having feelings about you. They are not thinking, "Is he correct?" They are thinking, "Who does this guy think he is?"
So you get stuck.
Sound dumb, or sound like an asshole.
There is a better option.
II. The False Solution: Code-Switching As Performance
The trendy solution is "code-switching."
The idea: speak one way to the professionals, and another way to everyone else. Fancy voice at work, plain voice with normal humans. The problem is that people are not stupid. They can feel when you are performing for them. It comes off as patronizing:
You talk to executives one way
You talk to the front desk another way
You talk to your friends a third way
At some point, even you forget which version is real.
Code-switching solves nothing. It just multiplies the act. You end up exhausted and slightly fake in every room.
The real problem is not that you have a big vocabulary. The real problem is how you deploy it. If your intelligence walks into the room first, you are done. People hear the performance before they hear the point.
You do not need a second personality.
You need a better tactic.
III. The Actual Technique: Put The Words In Their Mouth
Here is the cheat code.
When someone uses inflated, overly polished, jargon-heavy language, you do not compete with it. You do not try to "out smart" them.
You quote it.
You translate it.
You tag it with a punchline.
You let them be the one who sounds pretentious. You become the interpreter.
This is why it works:
You show that you understand the vocabulary
You show that you understand the real meaning underneath
You put those side by side, and expose the gap
Your audience hears: "This person is smart and honest"
Frank Luntz has that famous line: "It is not what you say, it is what people hear." When you deploy big words in your own voice, people hear "show-off." When you quote someone else's big words and translate them, people hear "truth teller."
The words did not change. The ownership did.
IV. The Formula Breakdown
Here is the simple four step template.
Step 1: Quote Their Fancy Language
You start with their own words. Direct quote if you can remember it. Close paraphrase if you cannot.
"The consultant is explaining how they are 'leveraging heterogeneous outcome variables to model multifactorial causation across stakeholder segments.'"
You are not attacking. You are reporting. That proves you actually listened and understood. No strawman, no cheap shot.
Step 2: Translate Simply
Next, you strip it down to what it actually means in concrete language.
"Which means, a bunch of different things caused it, and people reacted in different ways."
Short. Clear. No jargon. You show that you can map complex language onto simple reality.
Step 3: Deliver the Punchline
This is where you add character. Old-timey voice, working class voice, or grandfather voice works incredibly well.
"My grandfather had a simpler way of saying that: 'Sometimes life kicks you in the teeth and everyone limps differently.'"
Or, if you want to go blunt:
"Or in plain English: stuff happened, results varied, nobody knows what they are doing."
The point is not to be cute. The point is to expose the distance between their language and the real world.
Step 4: Let Them Own The Pretension
You never deploy the big words in your own voice. They are always quarantined:
inside quotation marks
in reported speech
attached to a character
They are the one talking like a textbook. You are the one turning textbook into street language. The audience will side with you every time.
V. Real World Examples
Now let us put the formula through its paces.
Each example will follow this structure:
What they said
What you could say if you wanted to sound insufferable (wrong way)
What you should say using the technique (right way)
Why it works
Example 1: Corporate Meeting
What they said
"We need to leverage our core competencies to drive synergistic value creation across the enterprise ecosystem."
Wrong way reply (sounding like an asshole)
"This proposal exemplifies a shallow rearticulation of existing operational capacities masquerading as strategic innovation, predicated on vague synergy and devoid of concrete KPIs."
Accurate. Also the fastest way to get ignored.
Right way reply (quote, translate, punchline)
"So the VP is up there talking about 'synergistic value creation across the enterprise ecosystem.' Translation: he wants us to do more of what we are already good at, but in more places, with more buzzwords on the slides.
My grandfather would have called that 'working hard at the obvious.' You do not need a strategy summit for that, you need a calendar and a backbone."
Why it works
You show you understand the management speak. You decode it. You hit it with a dry, working class punchline. He sounds like a jargon fountain. You sound like the adult in the room.
Example 2: Academic Setting
What they said
"We are interrogating post-structuralist deconstructive paradigms through the lens of heteronormative power dynamics."
Wrong way reply
"So what you are really doing is recapitulating Foucault via a derivative Butlerian framework, then stapling queer theory on top to justify a foregone conclusion about power."
Again, correct. Again, insufferable.
Right way reply
"The professor is going on about 'post-structuralist deconstructive paradigms' and 'heteronormative power dynamics.'
I raised my hand and said, 'So you are saying the way men and women are treated in real life changes how we read books about them.'
Apparently, that was not the sophisticated way to phrase it."
Why it works
You do not attack theory. You show you grasp it and reduce it to a sentence your uncle could understand. The joke is that you got in trouble for being clear.
Example 3: Legal or Government Language
What they said
"We are implementing a comprehensive regulatory optimization framework to ensure compliance alignment and minimize systemic risk exposure."
Wrong way reply
"This is a textbook instance of bureaucratic self insulation, an intentionally vague regulatory regime that preserves discretion while diffusing accountability."
Good analysis. Terrible politics.
Right way reply
"The official explains they are rolling out a 'comprehensive regulatory optimization framework.'
My grandfather had a different phrase for that: 'making up new rules so your friends stay rich and nobody can blame you when it blows up.'
On paper it is 'compliance alignment.' On the street it is theft with a thesaurus."
Why it works
You translate their sterile phrase into a moral one. You call it what it is. You reuse "theft with a thesaurus" to drive home the theme: big words as camouflage for bad behavior.
Example 4: Tech and Startups
What they said
"We are disrupting the paradigm with AI driven blockchain solutions for decentralized stakeholder engagement."
Wrong way reply
"What I am hearing is a buzzword dense non proposition, an undifferentiated software product in search of a problem, dressed up as paradigm disruption."
Correct, but sounds like another tech bro flexing.
Right way reply
"So this founder is pitching his 'AI driven blockchain paradigm disruption for decentralized stakeholder engagement.'
I asked, 'What does it actually do?'
Long pause.
Turns out the answer is, 'It raises funding.' That is not innovation, that is a word salad with venture capital dressing."
Why it works
You let the emptiness reveal itself. The translation is just a question. The punchline lands when they cannot answer. You do not have to out jargon them. You just turn the light on.
Example 5: Medical or Healthcare
What they said
"Your imaging shows mild degenerative changes consistent with age related musculoskeletal deterioration that may contribute to episodic discomfort."
Wrong way reply
"So essentially we are talking about incipient osteoarthritis with nonspecific symptomatology being hand waved as 'you are old, deal with it.'"
Again, not wrong. Still a bit much.
Right way reply
"The doctor tells me I have 'mild degenerative changes consistent with age related musculoskeletal deterioration.'
I said, 'So my back is getting old and sometimes it is going to hurt.'
He nods and says, 'That is one way to put it.'
My grandfather would have called that 'You are not twenty anymore, quit lifting like you are.'"
Why it works
You show respect for the doctor, but you still translate. No attack, just clarity. You sound grounded. The medical jargon is there, but quarantined.
Example 6: Political Spin
What they said
"We are reallocating resources to better serve our most vulnerable populations while ensuring long term fiscal sustainability."
Wrong way reply
"This is a rhetorically softened austerity measure that externalizes the cost of prior mismanagement onto people with the least political power."
Completely accurate, completely unhelpful in a bar conversation.
Right way reply
"The politician says they are 'reallocating resources to better serve vulnerable populations.'
In the budget, that means, 'We are cutting services you notice now, to fix numbers on a spreadsheet later.'
My grandfather would have called that 'taking food off the table and calling it a diet plan.'"
Why it works
You translate their abstract compassion into concrete harm. You point at the thing they are doing behind the language. Again: truth over theater.
Example 7: Local Government Corruption
What they said
"After a comprehensive review, we determined that the existing vendor was best positioned to maintain operational continuity for gaming operations."
Wrong way reply
"So despite clear conflicts of interest and a documented history of sanctions, you have reaffirmed a monopolistic relationship under the guise of continuity."
You just turned yourself into the villain in their story.
Right way reply
"The board says they did a 'comprehensive review' and found that the same casino operator was 'best positioned to maintain operational continuity.'
Translation: they looked at the list of people who donate to their campaigns and circled the same name they always circle.
That is not a review, that is muscle memory with a rubber stamp. It is corruption with a PowerPoint."
Why it works
You are not screaming. You are narrating. You use their own phrases as evidence. You then give it a street name: corruption with a PowerPoint, theft with a thesaurus, fraud with footnotes. Same scam, different costume.
Example 8: Corporate HR
What they said
"We are right sizing the organization to better align human capital with strategic priorities."
Wrong way reply
"So what you mean is, you are performing a cost focused reduction in force that preserves executive compensation while externalizing economic pain downward."
Every word is precise. Every word ruins you socially.
Right way reply
"HR announces a 'right sizing initiative to align human capital with strategic priorities.'
I asked, 'So who is getting fired and who keeps their bonus?'
Funny, they did not put that on the slide.
My grandfather used to say, 'Anytime they start calling people capital, somebody is about to lose their job.'"
Why it works
You expose the euphemism. You ask the question everyone is really asking. You let grandfather wisdom deliver the punch.
VI. The Grandfather Gambit
If you want to use big words without sounding like an asshole, borrow the authority of somebody who never used them.
"My grandfather used to say..." is a cheat code.
People will argue with you all day. They will not argue with your eighty year old grandfather in a flannel shirt. At least not without looking like a sociopath.
When you attach your translation to an elder voice, a few things happen:
It sounds lived, not theoretical
It sounds tested by reality, not printed in a white paper
It lowers the perceived status threat
You can say something incredibly sharp and people will nod instead of flinch.
Example:
"The consultant calls it 'revenue optimization through dynamic pricing.'
My grandfather called it 'charging more when people are desperate.'"
Or:
"They dressed it up as 'asset reallocation.'
He called it 'stealing from the quiet ones.'"
Grandfather language is not cutesy. It is blunt. It is the kind of thing an old mechanic says leaning against a truck. You are not putting lace on it. You are sanding it down.
VII. Advanced Applications
Once you have the basics down, there are a few ways to sharpen the blade.
1. The Old Timey Flex
Instead of reaching for ten dollar vocabulary, reach for older, more colorful words:
horse-shit
flimflam
snake oil
bunk
tomfoolery
jackassery
These words are not "big," but they are vivid. They are easy to understand and hard to forget. You are not dumbing down. You are translating sideways into something memorable.
"They call it a 'novel financial instrument.'
I call it the same old flimflam in a cleaner suit."
The trick is that these words carry judgment without sounding academic. They sound like the world talking back.
2. The Humor Shield
If people are laughing, they are not defending their ego.
Humor is a shield for you and a pressure release for them. It tells the room, "I am not trying to dominate you. I am trying to show you something."
You do not need to be a stand up comic. You just need one small twist:
"They call it 'aggressive tax minimization.'
My grandfather called it, 'If you did that without a lobbyist, you would go to prison.'"
The laugh opens the door. The truth walks through.
3. When To Use It, When To Hold Back
If you use this technique every five sentences, it becomes your whole personality. People start waiting for the "grandfather line" instead of listening to the substance.
Use it:
when someone is clearly hiding reality behind language
when stakes are high and you need clarity fast
when the room feels intimidated into silence
Do not use it:
when a person is doing their best to explain something genuinely complex
when someone is vulnerable and trying to learn
when you are just trying to win a petty argument
The point is not to humiliate people. The point is to puncture bullshit.
VIII. Common Mistakes
If you want this to work, avoid these traps.
Using words you do not understand
You will get caught, and then you really will look like an asshole.Being mean instead of playful
Once it feels like bullying, your audience stops cheering and starts cringing.Skipping the translation step
If you just mock the fancy language without explaining it, you look insecure, not insightful.Overdoing the bit
One or two killer lines in a meeting will make you memorable. Fifteen will make you unbearable.Strawmanning
If you misquote or distort what they said, you lose the moral high ground. Quote fairly, then cut sharply.Using the trick to lie
If you use this to hide your own agenda, congratulations, you have become the thing you hate.
IX. Why This Matters
This is not just about sounding clever at parties.
Powerful people hide behind language. Institutions hire entire departments to turn simple facts into complicated phrases. Corporations do not say, "We are screwing you." They say, "We are restructuring the value proposition."
Academics do not say, "We are saying the same thing as the last guy with more footnotes." They say, "We are advancing a novel theoretical framework."
Government officials do not say, "We lost your money." They say, "We are engaging in targeted fiscal realignment."
If you cannot translate, you cannot fight back. You are stuck reacting to the theater, not the reality.
This technique gives you a way to pull the curtain back in real time. Quote. Translate. Punchline. Show people the simple thing hiding inside the complicated one.
Frank Luntz is right. It is not what you say, it is what people hear. When you speak in their language, but still use your full brain, you become dangerous in the best way.
You are armed with vocabulary and trusted as a straight shooter.
X. Practice Exercises
If you want this to stick, you need to practice. Here are some drills.
Try filling these in for yourself.
1. Bureaucratic Statement
"We are temporarily suspending select community services as part of a broader effort to realign our budget priorities."
Your translation:
"________________________________________________________"Your response using the formula (quote, translate, punchline):
"________________________________________________________"
2. Corporate Doublespeak
"We are exploring opportunities to enhance shareholder value through strategic workforce optimization."
Your translation:
"________________________________________________________"Your response using the formula:
"________________________________________________________"
3. Tech Nonsense
"Our platform leverages cutting edge AI to unlock unprecedented efficiencies across the customer value chain."
Your translation:
"________________________________________________________"Your response using the formula:
"________________________________________________________"
4. Academic Inflation
"This project problematizes traditional narratives by foregrounding marginalized epistemologies."
Your translation:
"________________________________________________________"Your response using the formula:
"________________________________________________________"
5. Political Spin
"We are introducing common sense reforms to streamline access while protecting the integrity of the system."
Your translation:
"________________________________________________________"Your response using the formula:
"________________________________________________________"
Take a few of your own emails, news articles, or company announcements. Highlight the jargon, translate it, and attach a line your grandfather would say. You will be surprised how fast you get good at this.
XI. The Ethics: Use The Knife On The Right People
This technique works. That means you can absolutely abuse it.
You can misquote people. You can twist their words. You can make honest complexity sound like dishonesty. If you do that, you are not a translator. You are just another propagandist with better jokes.
Use it to reveal, not to obscure.
Do not punch down at people who are trying to learn the language of their field
Do not use it to win cheap points on people with less practice speaking
Aim it at power, at institutions, at people who use language to duck accountability
The goal is clarity, not just victory. You are trying to make reality visible to more people, not to build a fan club.
XII. Conclusion: Theft With A Thesaurus, Truth With A Translator
You do not have to choose between sounding smart and sounding human.
You can use your whole vocabulary. You can understand every syllable of corporate, legal, academic, and technical language. You just do not have to live in that voice.
Put the fancy words in their mouths.
Translate them into something your grandfather would nod at.
Add a line that makes people laugh and think at the same time.
They keep the performance.
You keep the truth.
Next time you hear someone hiding a simple fact behind complex language, do three things:
Quote them exactly.
Say what it really means.
Finish with the line your grandfather would have used.
That is how you use big words without sounding like an asshole.
You are not dumbing anything down. You are doing something much harder.
You are turning theft with a thesaurus into truth with a translator.
