Bravo, DNC! You Finally Silenced That Uppity School Shooting Survivor

By The American Gadfly

Pop the champagne, Democrats! Fire up the biodegradable confetti cannons! Call in Anderson Cooper with a tissue box and a barely-contained eye roll—because the Democratic National Committee has finally mustered the courage, the conviction, and the cold bureaucratic steel to do what America has been waiting for: removing that loud-mouthed, impertinent, democracy-loving menace, David Hogg.

That’s right. The DNC—our stalwart champions of inclusion, progress, and PR-tested apathy—have found the gall to oust a school shooting survivor from within their own ranks. And not just any survivor, mind you, but one who had the audacity to believe that being elected vice chair meant he could, you know, say things and do stuff.

How dare he.

I mean, here’s this kid—this mouthy millennial with a spine and a Twitter account—who thinks he can just walk into the DNC, fresh off a wave of righteous activism, and hold elected officials accountable. Did he think this was Europe?

You see, David Hogg committed the ultimate sin: he remembered what democracy is supposed to be. And the DNC, bless their unelected little hearts, couldn’t let that stand. Because if every young person with ideals and receipts got a seat at the table, what would happen to the tepid consultant class? To the career strategists whose main strategy is, “Let’s not upset the banks”?

Let’s recap the crime scene, shall we?

• Hogg was elected vice chair of the DNC. (First mistake: trusting in process.)

• He then began advocating for primary challenges to weak, stale, centrist incumbents. (Second mistake: mistaking the Democratic Party for an actual democracy.)

• He refused to pledge “neutrality” in primaries—because he thought “leadership” might involve actually leading.

• Oh, and he tried to spend $20 million through his PAC to help elect better Democrats. (Unforgivable. The budget for Good Ideas must be cleared by Comcast.)

So now, the DNC Credentials Committee—bless their sharp little pencils and soft little spines—have swooped in to save the day. They ruled, with all the subtlety of a Mitch McConnell grimace, that the election which made Hogg a vice chair was invalid. Not because of anything he did. No, that would require guts. Instead, they cited some procedural footnote about gender balance. (The exact same one that somehow didn’t matter until David Hogg became a problem.)

That’s called bureaucratic assassination, kids. It’s what you do when you’re too cowardly to say: “We’re afraid of the youth vote, so we’re sabotaging it from within.”

Let’s call it what it is: the Gen Z Purge.

You see, the party loves young people—as long as they don’t talk back, sit still, vote blue no matter who, and stick to making TikToks about healthcare instead of demanding it. They want David Hogg’s story, not his spine. His trauma, not his tenacity. He was supposed to be a symbol, not a strategist.

Symbols don’t threaten incumbents. Symbols don’t speak at rallies calling for a functional democracy. Symbols don’t raise PAC money to unseat warmongering dinosaurs who think “Student Debt” is a Harry Potter character.

But David Hogg forgot his role. He showed up not just to look like the future, but to build it. And that’s not just unacceptable—it’s terrifying.

So here we are. The DNC has declared war not on Republicans (because that’s hard) but on... David Hogg. A kid who watched his classmates die, survived the trauma, and dedicated his life to fixing a broken country. A man who, rather than cashing in with a memoir and a Harvard sinecure, chose to step into the swamp and say: “This isn’t good enough.”

And for that, they’re crucifying him. With a procedural stapler.

Congratulations, DNC. You’ve finally protected your party—from hope.

You’ve ensured the next Parkland kid knows better than to trust you. You’ve reminded every young organizer that the path to change doesn’t run through your office—it runs over it.

Because if this party truly wants to court the future, they better learn to stop kneecapping it in committee.

So, as America’s most opinionated insect, let me raise a tiny glass of lab-grown champagne and say: good job, Democrats. You’ve successfully performed a political vasectomy on yourselves.

Hope you like being the Party of Yesterday.